Glossary 2013

IFR Asia Awards 2013
3 min read
Asia

Some alternative definitions for the themes of the year.

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Alternative financial glossary
Alternative financial glossary
Abenomics:Proof that adding "nomics" to a surname makes that person sound extremely intelligent.
Alibaba:1. A folk tale in which a slave does most of the hard work for the hero and gets very little in return;
2. A fabled IPO in which…never mind.
Basel:Somewhere a very long way from Asia.
Bitcoin:(n.) Fad currency. The Tickle-Me-Elmo of 2013.
Bookrunner:Co-manager. Also:
Active bookrunner:Syndicate manager with no chair;
Passive bookrunner:Syndicate manager with no phone.
Business trust:Oxymoron.
Cinda:A good bad bank.
Core DNA:1. The centre of a molecule containing the genetic code for mankind;
2. A catch-all phrase containing bankers’ code for doing whatever it takes to make money.
Cornerstone:Any Chinese company with more money than sense.
Corporate hybrid:1. Environmentally friendly company car;
2. Security that becomes toxic whenever rates rise.
CRD IV:Alternate spelling for the capital of Wales?
Credit enhancement:Tool allowing a bank to turn a corporate loan into a bond without the hassle of explaining the underlying risks (See SBLC).
EMIR:1. European Market Infrastructure Regulation;
2. Very important man in the Middle East.
Excessive entertainment:Paying for lunch in Tokyo.
Fixed-for-life:In bonds, describes a note that will mature long after the holder is dead, if at all.
Google it:1. A branded term for searching the internet;
2. What Alibaba tried and failed to do on the HK stock market.
Infrastructure trust:The level of confidence needed to take a train in Thailand.
IPO sponsor:Defendant.
Keepwell deed:Medical insurance for bondholders.
Libor:(vb.) To lie about something really dull.
Lightning rod:JP Morgan.
Loss-absorbing:Descriptive term that apparently has no direct translation in Asia.
Monitoring markets:Technical term for a deal that’s dead in the water.
Myanmar:1. A country in which no reputable bank should do any business (2012);
2. A country in which every reputable bank should be doing business (2013).
Order book:The only place in the world right now where inflation is a problem.
Perpetual:About 5 years.
Plenum:No idea.
Point of non-viability:1. When authorities start a run on a bank in an attempt to save it;
2. A date to be identified long after the next banking collapse as the day regulators should have stepped in.
Private banking:Secretly lending money to people who buy your deals.
SBLC:Should've Been a Loan, see?
Seamless execution:One phone call, instead of two, to your in-house private bank.
Sovereign wealth funds:Institutions established to preserve the long-term wealth of their countries by investing in exactly the same securities as mutual funds, but three months late.
Tapering:1. To make gradually thinner or smaller;
2. To destroy emerging market currencies.
Weekends:Time not spent working (applies only to Goldman Sachs juniors).
Yellen:(n.) New species of dove that looks even more like a dove than the last one.